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LAZY MLM

Here are some frequently asked questions about this blog, Profit Pimp and the crazy shit he says.

Profit Pimp definitions

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1) What is this place?

Lazy MLM is the hotspot for multi-level marketing misfits — those who’re burnt out, disgusted or determined to do it different.  Selling to friends and family will getcha booted by the bouncer.  So will speaking about your comp plan.  Got it?  Good.  Begin here.

2) Why am I even here?

Gosh darn Google, probably.  Ooh, or karma.  Joking.  Probably Google.

3) Why’d you call it Lazy MLM?

Because I’m a moron, mostly.  I experimented with a network marketing company back in the day and wanted to promote it exclusively online.  No pounding the pavement, throwing home parties, doing three-way calls or trading dignity for dollars.  I built this blog to show network marketers a faster, sexier alternative I suppose.  While I succeeded, I also saw the dark side.  Many MLM companies are bullshit.  Many reps are slimy.  And online promotion, especially, gets saturated fast.  Today?  I’m not really anti- or pro-MLM.  If you believe in what you’re doing and build it without being a conniving douche who spams the internet with hype, go you.  I’m just here to entertain, inspire, crush cliches and hopefully, help you wake up a smidgen happier each day.

4) Who exactly is this Profit Pimp guy?

He’s my alter ego.  He’s what I’d imagine myself to be like if I just snorted a line of cocaine.  Or seven.  Dude’s different.  You can find him in the sky, flying with the fishes.  Or maybe in the ocean, swimming with the pigeons.  Never call him by his birth name — Percy — unless you want five upside your head.

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So I’m at Panera, double-fisting coffees and books.  I’m taking a break from what I’m reading to type up the notes on another one my dad just finished called The Millionaire Next Door.

Panera Grinding

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By the way, try switching up your work environment.  I started coming over here this week and it’s been lights-out.  I feel like the pound-for-pound productivity champ right now.

Get outta the home office and see what happens.  I bet you’ll get way more done and enjoy it more.

That said, let’s get into it.  The number one overriding takeaway from this book was:

Wealth is what you accumulate, not what you spend

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You’ll see that many of the bullets that follow restate that critical concept over and over, in different ways.  Okay, here goes:

Wealth is more often the result of living a self-disciplined lifestyle, not just making a lot of money.

Here are seven common denominators of rich people:

  1. They always live below their means.
  2. They allocate time, energy and money efficiently.
  3. They believe financial independence is important.
  4. Their children are raised to become self-sufficient.
  5. They target market opportunities.
  6. They choose the right occupation or business.
  7. Their parents did not provide economic outpatient care (EOC)

Only a few millionaires ever lease their vehicles.  (Oops.)

Most millionaires save at least 15% of their earned income.

Only about one in five millionaires are non-college graduates.  Thought this was interesting — made me rethink my “screw college” stance a little.  Actually, I do think college is great for what you learn outside of the classroom.  Life skills and such.  But maybe there’s more to the madness of memorizing a bunch of useless facts (just long enough to pass a test and not a day longer) than I thought.

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Another one by Profit Pimp — the bodybuilder of blogging; Speedo, spray tan, ready to flex for the scrawny MLM crowd.  Hitting a front double biceps pose in 3, 2, 1…

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Treat your people how you want to be treated.  Obvious, but no one does it.  Right?

Outstanding businesses are composed of outstanding people.  This reminded me of Steve Jobs’ philosophy on the importance of working with A-players.  Don’t be stingy or shortsighted.  Pay high-level peeps what they’re worth if you wanna build a high-level business.

Hire an expert to do any job you can’t do.  Their skills will strengthen your business.

No matter how hectic life is, you must make the other person — your prospects, your customers, your downline, your local clients, little Jerry from the ‘hood — feel important.  Doing so will increase their energy and strengthen their affinity towards you.

Praise is the best way for a leader to motivate others.  Give props when props are due.

This one reminded me of Dan: Miggity-Mary said ideas are a dime a dozen, but the few men who actually implement them?  Are priceless.  You want to be known as a “follow-through machine.”  (Dan calls me at least 17 times a day with big ideas.  Which is super annoying.  But the dude makes shit happen.  Can’t deny that.  So I’m happy to put up with it.)

Work on becoming a better listener.  The answers are all around us.

Listen carefully, formulate solutions and be a doer, not a dweller.  A walker, not a talker.  This video will help.

Mary Kay found stupid-good success using a notepad that always listed her top six to-dos.  She was obsessed with getting this list crossed off each day and carried any task over to the next day if she ever pussed out and failed to complete it.  (Too simple?  Hey, don’t mock it unless you’ve rocked it.)

Elite achievers are the ones who follow-through most consistently, regardless of how big or small the workload.  Seeing the pattern here?

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Always keep your investing clean and simple.  The S&P 500 has averaged 11.69% return for over 80 years.

How you handle money has to work in good and bad times: living without cash reserves works in good times, not in bad times.

Motto: live like no one else will today so you can live like no one else can tomorrow.  Delay pleasure now for a greater result later on.  (Apparently, D. Ramsey’s down with stoicism.)  This is a sign of maturity.

Debt is so ingrained in our culture, most people view it as normal or expected.

Myth: debt is a tool used to create prosperity.  Truth: debt is risky, usually doesn’t lead to prosperity and isn’t leveraged by the wealthy as much as we’re led to believe.

There’s no shortcut to any place worth going.

The best way to build wealth is to be debt-free.

Henry Ford said, “Debt is a lazy man’s way of paying for things.”

The borrower is a slave to the lender.  A prostitute to the pimp.  A hostage to the captor.  Furthermore, a loan to a friend or family member is not a blessing; it’s a curse.

Co-signing loans is no bueno.

Buying with credit is the adult equivalent of your kid screaming, “I want it!” when he’s in the shopping cart and you’re cruising past the toy aisle.

Looking flashy to your broke friends isn’t worth it; reaching your goals is.

Did you know?  The average millionaire drives a two-year-old car with no payments.

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Or, how I make money by taking walks, and how you can too, starting today.  Article by Profit Pimp.  Video by B-rad.  Inspired by notes my dad took from The Leader In You by Dale Carnegie.  It’ll all make sense when you press play below.

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[Note: my phone died at the end there.  The perfectionist in me said, “Shit, gotta start over.  Can’t have a chopped-off video on my blog.”  But then I remembered the important advice I gave the other day about perfection being for punks.  I wanted to practice what I just preached.  So I did the best I could do, with what I had, knowing that doing “something” was exponentially better than doing nothing.  So I left it as-is.  Besides, there were only two bullets I missed and they’re pretty straightforward.  Anyways, thanks for understanding.  Now read the post to cement this into that big brain of yours.]

1) You need to lead.  Think about the speed at which change happens today, especially online.  With so much innovation happening so fast, leaders are now more valuable than managers.  If your goal is to make more money, understand that leading is no longer optional.  It’s must-have if you want big boy bucks.

2) Leading is leverage.  Whether you’re stubbornly still building some stupid MLM (dumb!) or bravely building a local lead generation business (smart!)… the more you can uplift, inspire, and shove others out in front of oncoming success (crunch!)… the better you’ll feel and the more you’ll make.

3) Walk the walk.  And you know what pisses me right the fuck off?  You’ve heard this at least 472 times in your life.  So me — on behalf of Dale — mentioning it for a 473rd time?  Ain’t likely to change your ways.  But lemme try.  Here are four specific examples of six figure businesses I’ve built online, all by walking the walk:

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Target

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What if you walked into Target and immediately had a red-shirted-khaki-pantsed asshole just start screaming at you at the top of his lungs?

“Heyyyy!  So glad you’re here!  Buy everything in the store and stay forever!  Okay?!?”

“Uh, I just need paper towels, psycho,” you might say.

And that’s if you didn’t turn around and book it right back out the same door you just came in.

Oh, but wait.  It gets worse.

So our overzealous Target employee — who we’ll call Mr. Creepy — grabs you by the wrist, pivots, and makes a beeline for the paper towel aisle, forcefully yanking you along for the ride.

“What the fuck is this guy’s problem?” you ponder, trying your best not to coldcock him with your free hand.

Angry, winded and completely baffled, you finally arrive at the paper towels.

But before you can snatch a roll of Bounty’s and run for your life, the determined Mr. Creepy — who doesn’t seem to notice that you’re stupid mad at this point — cock blocks your attempt and rips a random roll off the shelf instead.

“Lemme tell you about these generic paper towels,” he says in his best Jordan Belfort voice.  “Now these are the ones you want.”

“FML, really?” you think to yourself as he starts (metaphorically) vomiting from the mouth about how these “game-changing” paper towels are the best-kept secret in Aisle A3.

Dude’s pushing so hard, you start to become skeptical.

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Written by Profit Pimp — the wittiest wordsmith west of Wisconsin and east of Eagan.  Check your map, mister.  He’s childish.  Madagascar.  ’06 Chevy Cobalt looking like a NASCAR.  Shall we?

Black Eyed Peas Imma Be

Just to getcha in the mood:

What’s your “Imma be” look like?  Ever thought about it?  Like, how the hell are you living a year from now?

Is it anything like Will.I.Am?

Imma be the average brother with soul
Imma be world wide international
Imma be in Rio rockin Tokyo
Imma be brilliant with my millions
Loan out a billion, I get back a trillion
Imma be a brother, but my name ain’t Lehman
Imma be ya banker loading out s@&%#

Imma be up in the club
Doin whatever I like
Imma be poppin that bubbly
Cool and livin that good life
Oh let’s make this last forever
Partyin when you together

On and on and on-and-on-and
On and on and on and on and

Or is it more about rotting away at the job you hate, living check-to-check, and more of the same — getting ready to get ready?  (To make a change.)

I’m honestly not sure what’s worse: not knowing where you’re going or being too chicken shit to at least get in the fucking car.

Be honest:

  • How many times were you going to build that website, but didn’t… because you couldn’t decide on the perfect domain name?  Or theme?  Or logo design service?
  • How many times have you thought about really learning SEO, but didn’t… because you couldn’t afford the how-to course?
  • How many times have you told yourself, “Today’s the day I’ll start making YouTube videos,” but didn’t… because your camera wasn’t good enough or your lighting was shit?
  • How many times were you gonna test some Facebook ads, but didn’t… because your landing page wasn’t as slick as the guru’s you just saw?  Or the idea of losing $100 made you wanna find your old banky and assume the fetal position?

I’ll answer for you: “A lot.”  Probably almost every day for the past, what, couple years?

I know because I’ve been there.

And as someone who came out the other side, victorious — and, as someone who just lost an uncle, unexpectedly and tragically — I say this with complete clarity and absolute urgency:

“Perfection is for punks.”

You’ll never feel ready.  You’ll never have the money.  You’ll never have the time.  And if you wait for the stars to align?  You’ll die.  Waiting.

It’s time to start.  Today.  (Now works just fine, in fact.)

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This article is brought to you by Profit Pimp — word player, paper-thin president slayer, Calvin Klein’s resting on his Louis V loafers ’cause he’s blogging his ass off.

MLM money

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Of the $7,000 (yes I rounded up) in new business I’ve earned today, about $4,000 of it came from one article I wrote nearly two years ago.

Even though I much prefer talking about the money my coaching clients are making, I needed to get your attention.

Today’s tips are backed by lots of experience.  And benjamins.

This is what I do best.  My number one skill.  Please don’t take this lightly.  Millions of dollars are at stake.

What I’m about to share applies to any internet business.

Doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re selling (as long as it’s not Kool-Aid).

Based on my entire five year online marketing career, there’s one task that has been responsible for almost all of my income: publishing.

Whether it be blog posts like this, YouTube videos, emails or Facebook updates, creating content and pressing publish… thousands of times… has made me a millionaire.

Of course, that’s a massive oversimplification.  The dead presidents are in the details.  And that’s exactly what I wanna cover.

But before I do, let me sell you on the idea of becoming a digital publisher.

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Written by the anti-network marketing millionaire, Profit Pimp.  This is important.

big assets online

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Ever heard of Garry Kasparov?  Probably not.

Back in the day, dude was the number one ranked chess master worldwide.  He’d run through other chess nerds like he was taking out the trash.

Until one fateful day in May of 1997 … where he was epically defeated in a six-game match.

“Deep Blue” — a computer, not an adult entertainer — was the victor.  Yes.  You heard that right.  A computer.

And IBM engineered this thing so damn well, it took Deep Blue a measly 19 moves to dethrone the former world champ.

Now.  Here’s why you should care about this story:

Deep Blue holds the secret to making lots of money online

The following day, “Machine Beats Man!” headlined all the major newspapers.

Hmm.  I disagree.  If you ask me, the machine didn’t beat shit.  Kasparov was really playing against the entire crew of IBM coding wizards who worked closely with hundreds of other top chess proteges to create the ultimate chess “opponent.”

(Can’t you just see a buncha Bill-Gates-looking-mofos screaming, “Checkmate, bitch!” when their baby made that last lethal move?)

My point is this: it took the collective wisdom of hundreds of the world’s premiere chess players plus genius coders and software developers to take out the mighty Garry Kasparov.  Not a computer.

Humungous difference.  Amiright?

Now I want you to imagine something.  Say we had the internet marketing equivalent of 500 chess experts, all obsessively practicing their one game, day and night, for the past year.

And what if we took their collective knowledge and real-world experience and mixed it together to form our own version of a supercomputer?

If it worked anything like Deep Blue … and I handed it to you … think you’d be able to beat any other average, one-man-show out there?

Fuckin’-a-right you could.

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Foggy window, soggy “endo,” Profit Pimp’s lighting up lead generation for his kinfolk.  No playing around, he’s down to blaze a pound.  (Of lead gen wisdom.)

smoking lead generation for network marketers

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(No blunts were smoked during the typing of this message.)

Network marketers can get leads, literally, hundreds of ways.  For the sake of this article, I’ll assume you prefer online lead generation… and preferably, without spending money.

Even then, I could map out exhaustive strategies for blogging, YouTube, forums or social media.

That’s not what you need though.

You don’t need more step-by-step bullshit.  You need to figure out your “keystone habits,” as my player partner James Clear says.  What are the 1-2 things that you should be doing, that align with your signature strengths, that’ll produce the most leads?

For me?  And I’ve said this at least a hundreds times–sorry for the redundancy–it’s blogging.

If you’re trying to build your MLM online and can’t figure out which way’s up, stop everything, set the Snickers down, and read the first two books on my recommendations page.

Still here?  Cool.  Then you should already know exactly what you need to be doing each day to get more leads.

That’s not why you’re here.

You may think it is, but it’s not.

You’re here because you need better habits.  If you’re not generating enough leads today, your business-building habits need a facelift.

(Scalpel, please.)

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Composed by Profit Pimp, the unsolvable riddle.  He’ll have you hitting high notes like these words come with a fiddle.

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Whether you follow MMA or not, you need to study this guy.

Conor McGregor.  He talks.  He backs it up.  He “takes heads.”  And cashes checks.  Out of nowhere, he’s become an international superstar.

I’m obsessed with the way he thinks.  His clairvoyance.  His optimism.  His conviction.

He’s been boldly forecasting he’ll be the new UFC Featherweight Champion since before anyone knew he could even fight.  Five UFC wins (four of them finishes via TKO) later, the skeptics are becoming believers.

Everyone’s mind is blow but his.

That’s the fascinating part.  It’s one thing to say some crazy shit; it’s another to believe it; and another still, to go out and make it happen.

I can barely predict publishing a blog post.  I need to be more like Conor McGregor.  So do you.

From his recent media scrum I posted above, here are nine takeaways every multi-level-marketing-Kool-Aid-guzzling-addict needs to hear:

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